As a young…. ish, childless gay woman who lives alone with her cat, I feel I can really relate to all the lifestyle changes and hard work that new parents face every single day.
I often see mothers exhausted and frustrated from nurturing their offspring that makes me shake my head and think; Surely it doesn’t have to be that hard?
Here are some bedraggled tips I learned from my own life experience and having cared for god-children, nephews and friends children.. up to one or two hours on occasion.. at least.
1. Food bribery works. Kids sad? Won’t co-operate? Having a tantrum in the middle of Sussan’s or Local Liquor?
Give them a lolly. Or some chocolate, a donut, sherbert or a deep fried mars bar.
They’ll shut up, smile, do what they’re told and love you forever. There are absolutely no nasty after-effects because hey, it’s only sugar right?
After this technique is practiced a couple of times a Pavlovian effect will kick in, resulting in your child turning into the perfect salivating angel at the glint of a kinder surprise wrapper. Worked for me when I babysat so why not do it all the time?
2. Play Lego. You’ll be the coolest person in their eyes and it will keep them entertained for hours on end. After a couple of hundred orders at the Lego shop and always getting $5 change, you’ll get into the routine.
I know I would certainly rather be playing Lego than cooking dinner or washing clothes or working, wouldn’t you? It’s what I do when I babysit so why isn’t everyone doing it?
3. Smacking. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t normally condone violence, however I think parents have been doing this punishment wrong.
Imagine your child has just knocked over and cracked your 40″ flat screen tv. You want to smack their bottom but what would that really achieve, other than a short term satisfaction? Instead, look them in the eye and smack your own face. Hard. Your baby will be guilt-ridden, terrified and most importantly, quiet. And isn’t that what all parents want, a nice quiet well behaved child?
Happy parenting.. and keep an eye out for the next SuperNanny.
- Piecing together the details of LEGO Minifigures Online with the Funcom team (massively.joystiq.com)